


Never Be Like You

by Auroranym



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 01:45:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12784272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auroranym/pseuds/Auroranym
Summary: Deanna mourns Jadzia and Ezri helps her through it.





	Never Be Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Jadzeanna for beta-ing this mess. This was my attempt at angst, but I don't think it came out that way.

It felt like the tightness in her chest would never alleviate. When she got the call from Doctor Bashir, she felt numb and empty, but now? It felt like she was suffocating in her own quarters. She was certain that she would never fully recover from this.

It had been just over three months now, but Deanna still felt as raw and broken as the day it happened. It was surreal to think that she had talked to her just hours before her death about requesting a transfer so they could get married. Things had been going so well that Jadzia had proposed. Funny how things can change.

They had just docked at Deep Space Nine because Benjamin Sisko had requested her presence, but she was putting it off. Deanna had suspicions on what this was about, but that only made her want to stay in her own room more. She had loved Jadzia desperately and she needed more time.

Deanna glanced at the door when she heard it chime before calling out for them to come in.

"Hey, Deanna." Will's greeting smile was tinged with sadness, though it was far from being as bad as when they first found out.

"Hello, Will," she sighed. "I'll go out in a bit. I just need a minute."

"I understand. I just wanted to check on you. I know these past three months have been rough on you."

"Thank you. I mean it," she gives him a small smile in response. "Are you going to Quark's this time? Or were you banned?"

"Please. He would never ban me." He joked.

"Don't be so sure. He doesn't like to lose latinum," Deanna points out.

Riker lets out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess not. You're free to join me after you meet Sisko if you want."

"I'll keep that in mind," she shakes her head. "I'll see you there, Will."

"See you, Deanna," he said as he gave a short wave before leaving the room.

Deanna gave herself a few minutes to get her emotions under control before she left the room. She wanted to avoid it all, but she knew that wasn't one of the options she had.

She received several looks on her way to Sisko's office, but that was to be expected. She had been attached at the hip to Jadzia during her time on the station, so it was naturally going to draw some attention when she returned. Or at least, that's what she told herself.

Sisko was the first to speak when she got to his office. "Ah, Counselor Troi, it's nice of you to join us." 

"Thank you, sir," she said, trying not to let her gaze linger on the Trill woman standing next to him for too long. She knew that she had to be Dax's new symbiont, and it made her chest ache to think about.

"This is Ezri Dax. Ezri, I believe you already know Counselor Troi."

"That I do," Ezri said, almost sadly. Their gazes met for only a moment before Deanna looked away.

"It's lovely to meet you, Ezri," Deanna said in greeting.

Ezri gives a smile before speaking. "I'd like to spend some time with you if that's okay."

"That would be okay with me." A part of her wanted to turn tail and run, but she knew that there were some things you needed to face.

"Would the Quark's be okay? I have a holosuite reservation for us."

"Quark's would be fine," Deanna assures her.

When they arrived at the holosuite, Deanna realized that the program Ezri called up was one that Deanna was intimately familiar with. It was an unnamed park on earth filled with cherry blossoms. The wind was blowing gently, and with it came countless petals falling from the trees. They gently fell on the two women, and from the way Ezri smiled Deanna could only be reminded of Jadzia and the time they spent here.

"Why did you bring me here, Ezri? Of all places?" Deanna asked softly as she sat down on the bench.

"Because it's familiar to you, and I think you need somewhere that makes you feel safe." Her voice was quiet and soft, and it was clear that she was trying to comfort Deanna.

"That's not necessary," Deanna assures her.

"Humor me then," Ezri says with a wry smile.

"Very well." Deanna tries to make herself smile too, but she can't seem to manage it, and she feels that it would come out as a grimace if she tried any harder.

"I wanted to clear the air." She gives Deanna a significant look. "She loved you. So much. Sometimes I think about you and it just kills me that she died because I know you loved her too."

Deanna didn't want to talk about this. She had gone over her feelings over and over again with her own therapist, and it hurt each time.

"This isn't necessary, Ezri." Her voice wavered, and it felt like her chest was being ripped open. "I already know this."

"I know you do, but I feel like you need to hear it again. She loved you to the end of the universe and back, and that will never change." 

It was something. She wasn't Jadzia, but she had a part of her inside her.

With a shaky breath, Deanna slowly took Ezri's hand in her own. "You're not her; nobody will be her, but I need to say this. I love Jadzia. Desperately and with every single part of my heart. I'll love her until I die." She took another slow breath. "You aren't her, but I would value you as a friend if you'll have me."

"I would love that, Deanna." It was all Ezri said before pulling her into a hug. It didn't fix things, but it was enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you liked this!


End file.
